Parenting Shift

One of the most stressful things for me, as I am coming to realize, is household tension caused by anger, frustration, and impatience. I don't know any parents who never lose their cool, snap, or verbally berate their children at some point. I am sure I will continue to  have my moments. I am human.

Nonetheless, I look at the silly and "bad" things my kiddos do and I reflect on my own upbringing. I did similar things and was less severely reprimanded than my kids are at times. I sometimes unleash more than my kids deserve. In fact, my personal philosophy, which I don't often live up to, is to teach my kids over controlling them. Still, I slip back into a prison warden mentality when my kids -- who are still learning -- mess up. The difference between a prisoner and a child is that a prisoner is a fully matured person and ought to have known better. Sure, kids should know better too at junctures, but theirs may be a matter of indiscipline over rebellion. 

Discipline comes from the Greek word for student. To learn something, repetition is required. Frankly, when my kids are bad, they are just not in practice with what they are told. They surely need structure and time outs and grounding, but it should be a learning opportunity over merely punishment. Yet, it almost always ends up being punitive. I fear my kids will grow up to resent me.  

My goal was to be like Bill Cosby's dad character on the Cosby show. He was slow to anger, compassionate, and he disciplined with grace. I think I do OK at times, but it's easy to let the kids get under my skin. I think that when I snap, it's often not because of the kids' misbehavior in as much as it is their interruption of my controls and sense of structure, which is often selfish. Their bad choices are attacks against my time and my way, so I am offended more than I am considerate of their inexperience and testing the waters. 

In the Bible, Paul says to imitate him as he imitates Christ (1 Cor. 11:1). As a father, I have the responsibility of being the priest of the home. I should model Christ. I should be looking at my disciplining as a priestly function, tempered by fruits of the spirit -- kindness, loving, patience, gentleness, etc. My kids don't need my vitriol or hot temper, but my toned down approach that teaches more than it barks or loses patience. 

I think I am doing better, but I have a ways to go to be the dad I want to be and know my kids need. One step at a time.