The Toll of Mental Illness on Others

According to the authors of a study titled, "Multidimensional Impact of Severe Mental Illness on Family Members: Systematic Review,"

Caring for a person with mental illness takes a substantial toll on social relationships, employment and income and psychological well-being. Most families fear for their future health in addition to the stress of caring for their ill family member. Families of people with SMI [Severe Mental Illness, which includes schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and major depression] have worse physical health and seek more medical care than those families without SMI.

Children of people with SMI have higher risk of developing physical and mental illness for a variety of reasons, including stigma, financial difficulties, the burden of caring for ill parents and genetic vulnerability. The impact on children is long term and affects their adult health and relationships.

Now, I won't get into the weeds of my own experiences as a family member, but I will give some observations, if for no other reason than to vent. I vent because those on the outside of mental illness are as much victims of the illness as the person struggling directly with the disorder, though magnitude and exact experiences differ. Nonetheless, others suffer and sometimes have no conceivable outlet. If mental illness is stigmatized, which it ought not be, then for the "non-mentally ill" to seek counseling or therapy seems more a stigma. Where can I go? How can I seek my own relief without causing my mentally ill loved one further pain, regret, and despair because their illness spilled-over? It's no wonder many family members and friends of emotionally ill people "keep it in" to their detriment. They simply don't want to push the ill person deeper into an emotional funk that becomes ever more cyclical. 

The question is then, do the non-mentally ill have a responsibility to suffer in silence? 

The study also posited that 20% to 50% of caregivers experience depressive symptoms, higher divorce rates, fewer marriages, poor family cohesion, and strained family environments. I cannot suffer in silence, though I have. My own mental health is affected. Just as a common cold is contagious, in this way, so too is mental illness. The sufferer, though they often feel alone, is never alone. People suffer with the sufferer. It's the nature of illness and the reason it ought not be stigmatized. 

What's most frustrating for me and I presume others affected by mentally ill loved ones, is that the initial sufferer is often near-sighted. They may know that their behaviors can affect others, but having such cognition doesn't necessarily contribute to their healing. For as much as a person who has the flu knows that they've spread the germ to their family, in their own symptoms, it becomes difficult to see that others may be suffering too. Disease handicaps us all in this way.

I have no solution. I do not expect my mentally ill loved one to heal because they know that I may suffer. Their suffering is blinding in as much as mine has been made mute to prevent the other's suffering from worsening. I do not want to lay on more burdens that will crush what hope and relief my loved one does have. So, I suffer in silence. I love my ill loved one and love simply endures. Galatians 6:2 tells us to bear one another's burdens. We are all in this together. No mentally ill person should feel isolated, though bearing someone's burden might mean avoiding the blame game and overtly burdening the afflicted even more. So, again, I suffer in silence, and primarily because my loved one needs me and they need me well, even if only apparently so. It's a tough and crappy balance, but love is like that... It doesn't have to be balanced, but I have to love.  

^{See the full study here:} 

Fekadu W, Mihiretu A, Craig TKJ, Fekadu A. Multidimensional impact of severe mental illness on family members: systematic review. BMJ Open. 2019 Dec 30;9(12):e032391.doi: 10.1136/bmjopen-2019-032391. PMID: 31892656; PMCID: PMC6955519.